City's Cats Finally Have a Voice Through Felines of New York City

Since 2010, Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York has been popularizing a new form of photojournalism. Now, comedian Jim Tews is tapping into this trend to create a parody site run exactly like HONY, but centered around cats.

Felines of New York features original portraits of the City's felines in their homes, captioned with the pet's inner thoughts according to Tews. Topics range from mundane cat activities to deeper musings about the responsibilities that accompany having nine lives. Unsurprisingly, cats and satire make for a very good mix.

And just like HONY, there is an awesome coffee table book available for purchase of Amazon.

“I’m cautious. A lot of people fault me for it. Saying I’ve missed out on things. I just don’t take my lives for granted.”
- Petie, Gramercy — “I’m cautious. A lot of people fault me for it. Saying I’ve missed out on things. I just don’t take my lives for granted.” - Petie, Gramercy

“A lot of people pass through this place on a daily basis, and some of them don’t like cats. It makes no sense to me. It’s like, you don’t even know me, but you assume because I’m a cat, and you got scratched once as a kid, you think it’s going to happen every time. It’s not like that. I mean, first of all, maybe you did something to deserve getting scratched. Ever think of that? Second, I don’t care about you. I’m working. I don’t know, people are just confusing sometimes I guess.”
- Unknown, Ridgewood — “A lot of people pass through this place on a daily basis, and some of them don’t like cats. It makes no sense to me. It’s like, you don’t even know me, but you assume because I’m a cat, and you got scratched once as a kid, you think it’s going to happen every time. It’s not like that. I mean, first of all, maybe you did something to deserve getting scratched. Ever think of that? Second, I don’t care about you. I’m working. I don’t know, people are just confusing sometimes I guess.” - Unknown, Ridgewood

“I just kind of wandered in here one day and they gave me a job. I scare rodents. I’m good at it.”
- Gregory, Ridgewood — “I just kind of wandered in here one day and they gave me a job. I scare rodents. I’m good at it.” - Gregory, Ridgewood

“It’s easy to feel invincible when you’ve been given nine chances to live. But knowing you have a few extra shots can make you a bit reckless. I was jumping rooftops for most of my first seven lives. That’s not something I’d do in lives eight and nine. I’m just more appreciative of my time here.”
- Ronda, Washington Heights — “It’s easy to feel invincible when you’ve been given nine chances to live. But knowing you have a few extra shots can make you a bit reckless. I was jumping rooftops for most of my first seven lives. That’s not something I’d do in lives eight and nine. I’m just more appreciative of my time here.” - Ronda, Washington Heights

“Is the guy with the camera gone?”
“No, I’m still here.”
“Why?”
- Bonkers, Red Hook — “Is the guy with the camera gone?” “No, I’m still here.” “Why?” - Bonkers, Red Hook

“I’d have an easier time going to the vet if they replaced those cold, steel tables with sofas. Would an examination be less effective if it were on a couch? I don’t think so.”
- Pasta, Kensington — “I’d have an easier time going to the vet if they replaced those cold, steel tables with sofas. Would an examination be less effective if it were on a couch? I don’t think so.” - Pasta, Kensington

“There was a dog we used to torment. He was real small, so like three of us would gang up on him. We never really hurt him, but we definitely messed with his head. I’m sure he’ll be terrified of cats for the rest of his life. I feel like I should apologize.
“Then why don’t you apologize?”
“Have you ever seen a cat apologize?”
- Stanley, Astoria — “There was a dog we used to torment. He was real small, so like three of us would gang up on him. We never really hurt him, but we definitely messed with his head. I’m sure he’ll be terrified of cats for the rest of his life. I feel like I should apologize. “Then why don’t you apologize?” “Have you ever seen a cat apologize?” - Stanley, Astoria

“We’ve been fighting a lot lately. You know, if we were living anywhere else, I’d be able to afford my own place. Our relationship could benefit from some physical distance.“
- Corn & Magoo, Williamsburg — “We’ve been fighting a lot lately. You know, if we were living anywhere else, I’d be able to afford my own place. Our relationship could benefit from some physical distance.“ - Corn & Magoo, Williamsburg

He's trying to get attention by pretending he fell. #MacDuff

“I understand the offering, but to assume that I’m going to start answering your questions just because you put a treat in front of me is a bit naive. If you want me to warm up to you, I suggest you completely ignore me.”
- Hampton, Upper East Side (The Corner Book Store) — “I understand the offering, but to assume that I’m going to start answering your questions just because you put a treat in front of me is a bit naive. If you want me to warm up to you, I suggest you completely ignore me.” - Hampton, Upper East Side (The Corner Book Store)

“I’ve been drafting up plans for an infinity petting machine. I should have a prototype finished by the summer.”
“That’s great. What’s the long-term goal?”
“Well, ultimately, to eliminate the need for human interaction.”
- Sasha, Upper West Side — “I’ve been drafting up plans for an infinity petting machine. I should have a prototype finished by the summer.” “That’s great. What’s the long-term goal?” “Well, ultimately, to eliminate the need for human interaction.” - Sasha, Upper West Side

“I’ll tell you this much – I’m not like most cats. I sleep most of the day, I get crazy at night, and I’m only really nice to people when I want affection or food.”
- Pepper, Ridgewood — “I’ll tell you this much – I’m not like most cats. I sleep most of the day, I get crazy at night, and I’m only really nice to people when I want affection or food.” - Pepper, Ridgewood

“It’s impossible to truly know me.”
“Ok then, I guess I’ll leave.”
“No wait, come back!”
- Bill, Upper West Side — “It’s impossible to truly know me.” “Ok then, I guess I’ll leave.” “No wait, come back!” - Bill, Upper West Side

“I’m a little worried about entering the current job market. I just don’t think I have the work experience everyone is looking for. I don’t even have a resume. I know this sounds vain, but I’ll have to rely on my youth and good looks to stay afloat for as long as I can.”
“I think you’ll be fine. Nobody expects you to work.”
“Oh. That’s right.”
- Margaux, Lower East Side — “I’m a little worried about entering the current job market. I just don’t think I have the work experience everyone is looking for. I don’t even have a resume. I know this sounds vain, but I’ll have to rely on my youth and good looks to stay afloat for as long as I can.” “I think you’ll be fine. Nobody expects you to work.” “Oh. That’s right.” - Margaux, Lower East Side

“I prefer to read my copy of Felines of New York in the people’s bathroom, but you can read yours wherever.”
- Arthur, Queens

Pre-order it now! iBooks - http://bit.ly/felinesibk  Amazon - http://bit.ly/felinesamazon  B&N - http://bit.ly/felinesbn  BAM - http://bit.ly/felinesbam  Indiebound - http://bit.ly/felinesindie  Kobo - http://bit.ly/felineskobo  Kindle - http://bit.ly/felineskindle — “I prefer to read my copy of Felines of New York in the people’s bathroom, but you can read yours wherever.” - Arthur, Queens Pre-order it now! iBooks - http://bit.ly/felinesibk  Amazon - http://bit.ly/felinesamazon  B&N - http://bit.ly/felinesbn  BAM - http://bit.ly/felinesbam  Indiebound - http://bit.ly/felinesindie  Kobo - http://bit.ly/felineskobo  Kindle - http://bit.ly/felineskindle

“This window is my favorite spot because I can watch people walk by. I have no idea where they’re going or what they’re doing, but none of them look too excited about it.”
- Bird, Fort Greene — “This window is my favorite spot because I can watch people walk by. I have no idea where they’re going or what they’re doing, but none of them look too excited about it.” - Bird, Fort Greene

“The questions get old. I don’t have hair like most cats, I get it. Yes, I’m cold sometimes. No, I don’t feel naked. But does any of that matter? Let’s get past the superficial garbage and work together on something. Maybe if we work together, we can figure out how to work the can opener.” - Elise, Astoria

“I would spend days just moping around. Thinking about what everyone was doing outside. Imagining that their life was way better than mine. But then I stopped. I just started appreciating what I have in here. Some cats would kill for what I have.” “So that’s why you don’t try to go outside anymore?” “Yeah. That, and I just don’t have person hands, so it makes opening doors and windows immensely difficult, if not impossible. Sometimes your natural limits force you into growing up I guess.” - Fudgie, Park Slope

“You have to remind yourself of who you are every so often.” “Is that why you have a pillow with your face on it?” “No, but it helps.” - Petie, Gramercy

“I tried running off to Florida a few years ago.“ “How long did you live there?” “I didn’t even make it below 110th. A friend told me there was a lot of water in Florida so I turned around. Fuck that. Fuck water.” - Randall, Morningside Park

Maggie Jeffers

Contributing Writer

Maggie is a recent graduate of Vassar College, where she majored in English and learned that she has no tolerance for the Poughkeepsie cold. She loves all things related to food, TV, movies, and music, and enjoys playing the violin and surfing the web in her spare time.

Posts by Maggie Jeffers

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